Wedding Cakes, Viral Videos and Flexibility

When You Realize What You don't know is What You Do Know 

Photo credit: Golden Feather Photography

It feels like forever since I last plugged in my dying relic of a laptop and clicked into the pages of this site I love so much. I have been longing for the comfort of my uncomfortable dining room chair, the distracting screech of my upstairs neighbor and the sight of a glowing screen nestled in amongst an array of snacks, thoughts and a tall glass of wine, pearling with condensation. Too long has passed, but not without good reason. 
What started eight months ago as a new adventure into the world of making food content for people more likely to watch it for the sake of entertainment than enlightenment, has turned into an all-consuming quest to create the most viral, snackable, bite-sized food videos on the internet. It's fair to say that I'm obsessed - not in the 'OMG, I'm obsessed with this avocado toast' sense of the word, but in the 'it's ALL I can think about' sense of it. I've traded in baths with a book, for baths spent scrolling Pinterest. I test the bounds of unlimited data on a daily basis, as I refresh Facebook to  check views, shares and likes that started in the thousands and now, to my equally unlimited delight, languish in the millions. (I'm pretty sure the only person who spends more time tracking my videos than me, is my father. My dad heads up the analytics department in the Panzer household, and I'm pretty sure he should be on payroll.) I'm that person who apologetically calls co-workers on weekends when ideas pop into my head, in fear they'll escape it before Monday rolls around. I swore I'd never be that person, and yet here I am. 
I suppose I'm obsessed with what I do, partly because even on my hardest days, on those days when we think we cracked the code, only to realize that the code has been reset, I find myself standing with a fork in one hand a heat gun in the other, trying to get the perfect 'yolk porn' shot for a video that will be seen by more appreciative fans of our work, than I can truly fathom. (Seriously though, I get to turn cupcakes into flamingos and pies into family traditions - who gets paid to do that?)
I think I'm also so very taken by what I do, because I've had quite a profound personal realization through doing it. What I have always seen as my greatest hindrance and the crux of any insecurities I have felt in my professional life, has been my greatest asset. With no culinary education, and for that matter, no traditional college degree, I've often felt somehow less capable and qualified. I've worked desperately hard to prove myself worthy of the positions that I have always seen as having been given to me, rather than the ones I have, in fact, earned.  But what I have found in my countless hours of melting cheese for camera and styling ice cream before it melts, is that without having learned a set of rules within which to operate, the possibilities of what can be done, are endless. 
Not knowing 'the right way' has taught me to, or perhaps more accurately, has forced me to be creative. It has forced me to think on my feet and to come at the problems we face on a daily basis from an angle I may not otherwise have noticed. Would I love to be truly educated in the culinary arts? Absolutely! But I am grateful for the flexibility and open-mindedness not having such a background has afforded me. And I am grateful to work a job that allows me to realize and embrace this. 

Photo credit: Golden Feather Photography

It's the same job that gave me the confidence to figure out how to pipe succulents and roses the night before my dear friend's wedding cake was due to serve as the cake she'd been dreaming of for months. (I say confidence, but what I mean is 'Tess, this is Diane's WEDDING CAKE!! Don't. Screw. It. Up.)
Yes, on the hottest weekend of the summer, during the hottest month of the year, I stood in my non-air conditioned kitchen until 3:00am, hair piled high on my head, with the soothing sounds of Mary Berry and Paul Hollywood cheering me on in the background, improvising baking and buttercream work - beaded with sweat and caked in powdered sugar. 

Photo credit: Golden Feather Photography

And though it probably would have terrified me in the past, the fact that I had an idea in my head, and no real idea of how to achieve it, made it that much more enjoyable. 
I'm pretty sure there's something a little peculiar about finding the fun buried in the ulcer-inducing fear - but it's kind of where I've taught myself to look for it. 

Chances are that whatever I do tomorrow, I'll probably never have done before (let's be honest, has anyone ever really skewered three Oreos on a stick, dipped them in chocolate, then cake batter and then deep fried them?? I hope not!), but it's that much more exciting for it. 

I may not always know the right way, but let's face it, when the camera is rolling and the ice-cream-stuffed, cookie-dough-filled, sprinkles-covered unicorn cake-on-a-stick is on the brink of melting, I sure as hell better find another way to deal with it! 

​And when all else fails - just Google it.